Pattern

I’ll wash my clothes by hand

Maybe I’ll live outside

Vision blurring

I’ll keep chasing the good feeling

I’m not sure when I’ll learn

I wish it was a stain that could be scrubbed out

Not the rotting rancid fist of my heart

Pinging alert in the pit of my stomach

Here here follow me it’ll be safe soon just keep going

It will be worth it

Anything to smile again anything to feel whole

Fill my body back up with blood

Pumping flowing beautiful healthy blood

So my rabbit heart can beat again

So this coldness inside me goes away

Maybe this time it’ll work

I won’t have to keep running

No more numb tingly skin and the feeling of watching yourself from above

When you’re so empty it’s like you froze

and everything that’s supposed to happen in your body just stops

But the brain keeps going

Aching and encouraging

Please fix it

Please make it better