I Live Alone Now

It is eager in the dark and it craves love

It comes alive at night like me

I feed it because I want it to thrive

I need it to keep me company

It was always safest with my legs wrapped around you

For us dawn was something to cheat

Incense smoke embedded in the pillow

My blood was spilt all over your sheets

The record is skipping again

Leave it- I like how the world stops here

You grin into my mouth

We breathe each other’s air

Your strong hand grips my jaw

Your fist twists tighter in my hair

Oh god oh my god was all that you said

I just want to be back in your bed

Blurred features slowly come into focus

I hadn’t seen the new bride yet

She’s blessed to have the looks of a doll

Something you’d like to keep as a pet

In clandestine posture my fingers ache

As I shove myself deeper into blindness

Greedily clawing at breadcrumbs gone stale

Picking apart the husk of your kindness

I’m reborn every evening to writhe beneath you

My bruised heart swells with miraculous sin

Remembering the smug invincibility I felt

Seeing purple marks on my tender skin

It makes too much sense that you’d choose her instead

I just want to be back in your bed

Pink shame blooms across my cheeks

Stretching out my sticky limbs

I am pathetic in front of the mirror

Crossing the wires to reach you again

Sprawled like a whore on the same street as my grade school

Stroking your back as soft as I could

Watching the sun climb over the mountains

And feeling pure as an infant when you tell me I’m good

I trace my own teeth these days, emptier than ever

I miss the firm wet muscle of your tongue glued to mine

I am fattened now only by the hellish umbilical cord

Tethered to my mattress, alone all the time

Insomniac listening to the neighbors fight

Hot tears stain my face under crimson light

Forced to bear witness to the violence in my head

And I just want to be back in your bed